Farm life is full of decisions. I guess any kind of life is full of decisions really, no matter which type of life you’re living. We all have never ending lists of what to do, buy and fix, categorized according to which wheel is squeaking the loudest; we all have plans to focus on now, and plans are we’re saving for later, and everyone will agree that all those categories are constantly changing. So I guess this is nothing new.
What is new for me is farm animals. Each animal has a purpose. Or it’s supposed to. Cows and pigs are for meat – eventually, chickens are mostly for eggs, and goats are for milk. Sort of. Maybe? To be honest, of all the animals I researched before acquiring, goats were the one thing I said I was pretty sure I didn’t want. I liked the idea of milk goats. I REALLY liked the idea of goats milk soap. (Like I have even a CLUE as to how to make that. Let’s add that to the ‘eventually I’ll learn how to do that’ list). What I didn’t like was their reputation. Escape artists. Trouble makers. Mischief seekers. For a lot of people, the cuteness factor overrode all of that. I mean, just LOOK at those faces! And when you get one that loves attention, it’s just a no brainer.
So despite my better judgement, when I was offered two nannies for free, I said ‘why not!’. I learned almost immediately I was not prepared! Escape artists, indeed! It is absolutely astounding what a goat can fit through. (I tried to tell my husband this, but he didn’t believe me. Not at first anyway!) I can say with confidence that I am a fence patching guru! I am an expert at finding miscellaneous debris and making it fit whatever new hole, big or small that the (cute) little tyrant has discovered, and after about a year, we had it all patched up. Or so we thought.
Enter the only billy in a five mile radius LOL. I kept trying to tell the girls they didn’t NEED a man, but they just wouldn’t listen. They’d run down to the end of the pasture and SCREAM at him. Desperation NEVER looks good, girls! It’s just embarrassing. Really. They obviously didn’t care about their reputations as a floozies. I have to admit though, as a newbie goat owner I found it quite entertaining. Until I got up one morning and the billy was in my pasture. Our poor neighbor did try to keep him home, but all I could do was shake my head in empathy to the struggle he was having at keeping the little playboy on his side of the fence.
The cuteness factor by this time had worn off. I was quickly moving into the very much annoyed stage. Every time the girls got out, my husband was gone and I had to deal with it myself. Every time the billy got out, I had to chase him home, with the exception of maybe the last time. Or two.
Those weren’t good times.
We don’t talk about that.
I didn’t want more babies. By this time, the two I had started with had multiplied into seven. I’d already rehomed two of them, and my struggle to keep the rest of the girls from getting knocked up was failing miserably. I loved them, but this was stressing me out. Here’s my dilemma – are they part of the family or are they a tool of the farm? Yes. The answer is yes.
When is it ok to cut something loose? How do you tell yourself you’re better off without something that you’ve become attached to? (Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re not supposed to do that. But again, LOOK AT THAT FACE!)
This is why I’m so grateful for a God who loves me. When I was (finally) ready to turn the page on the goat chapter of our new farm life, God sent someone to take them off my hands. A man with a petting zoo, looking for goats my size (“too small to hurt anyone, too big for the kids to ride”), and he came and picked them up. I didn’t have to see them go, either, because God had arranged for me to not be home when they left.
To be honest, I struggled with this for a while. Did I do the right thing? Will they be happy? Will they be upset going to a new place? Will they be taken care of? Will they die in kidding? Will they be fed properly? DID I DO THE RIGHT THING?
The answer comes in a question – do I trust God, or not? Did I think He brought that man to me, or not? When is it ok to let go of something? Well, it depends on if you believe in God’s timing. We’ve let go of a lot of things over the past two years. This was just one more. And like the rest, at the end of it, I heard God’s still small voice asking me, ‘why would you be upset over something you said you wanted, and that I took care of for you’?
So if you’re struggling with letting go, ask yourself a question. Do you, or do you not believe in God’s provision in your life?
I miss the goats. I miss the cute faces and the way they would get excited when it was time to eat. I miss the comical bouncing around of the babies. But the relief at not having to worry over them is so great, I know I made the right decision. Sometimes, you don’t realize how much something is stressing you out until you’re able to let it go.
So when is it ok? God will tell you, if you look to Him for the answer.
Jer. 33:3